LANCE ARMSTRONG: OK, I know Lance Armstrong is everybody's favorite
person in, like, the whole wide world. He beat cancer and went on to become a
world-class athlete. He's won the Tour de France seven times. And he gives us
all a chance to display marginal charity with those stupid Live Strong
bracelets, which, by the way, DON'T look good with your business suit and don't
prove anything except that you gave Nike a dollar. But let's not neglect some of
Mr. Armstrong's more unsavory aspects: He wrote this whole book about how his
wife stood by him through his illness, then he left her for Sheryl freaking
Crow. He may have been using steroids since at least 1999. And he just took the
president on a bike ride, which clearly makes him an enabler of the ol'
Commander in Chief's compulsive exercise problem. Sorry, Lance, but you get a
gentleman's C-